Glitter Glue
by RedEchoMe
Summary: Really bad nudes, good nudes, and great nudes feat. Chairman Meow. Here it is folks. Alec sucks at taking nudes and Magnus is great at it. That's the moral of the story. A/N: I know Chairman Meow is only in the books this was written for the books but I feel like the show gets more traffic and I want this baby to get some attention so *dumps fic here* enjoy


"Anyways, I didn't think she was that understanding, yunno? So I just told her to find some magical male enhancement somewhere else." Magnus's voice, though soothing, wasn't helping Alec's nerves.

"Yeah, yeah," Alec replied, his phone tucked between his neck and shoulder. He was picking at the the fraying sleeve of his sweater, thinking about how to present this case to the head of the New York Institute. In his unfortunate case, his mother.

"Right and then she kissed me and we had the most amazing sex, and I lasted for hours, mind you, and we went to Las Vegas and got married, I sired seven children, four of which are named after Chairman Meow, and my doctor told me I'm dying," Magnus said. He sighed. "Darling. Please pay attention to me. Attention is what keeps me going, I thought you knew this."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, no, that's great." He checked his watch, his stomach dropping. Clearing his throat, he righted his head and held his phone with one hand, the other pushing him up from the marble steps outside his mother's office. "Look, I gotta go. That meeting with my mom? It's right now."

There was a pause on the other end. "Please don't mention my name. I'm assuming she'll suspect me anyways, since the glue at that factory has never been so fabulous, and she's not blind to beauty-"

"Magnus." Alec rubbed the bridge of his nose, his fingers were cold and clammy. He would rather fight a hoarde of Raum demons than face his mom, he decided. "The whole factory is covered in blue, glittery glue. You ruined an entire glue factory. With glitter."  
"Now it's glitter glue," he said, his voice light. "And hey now, let's not put all the blame on me. It's not my fault you don't gag. Also how do you get your tongue to do that thing where it like-"  
" _Magnus!_ " Alec, turning red from the neck up, nearly dropped his phone. "D-don't... Look, it was my first- I gotta go." Ending the phone call, he braced himself against the wall. He slid his phone into his pocket and, fanning his face hoping the bright scarlet would fade before he went to see his mother, pushed the library doors open.  
Maryse Lightwood, dressed in a sharp suit with her hair held up by tiny glass daggers, was waiting impatiently by the fireplace. Her wickedly sharp red heels tapped the mosaic tiles, just above the Angel's ankle. She sipped her wine and, upon hearing the door open, her features went deadly calm.  
She turned her head to the side, her eyes on the flames still. There was a faint smile on her lips. "I will not accept tardiness, not from the Consul and definitely not from my own children." She tilted her chin to the desk in the center of the room. "Have a seat." Her voice was steady and sweet, but it felt like daggers to Alec's ears.

He sat. "Mom, I-"

She held up a thin hand. "As I understand it, an entire glue factory has been ruined. The mess will take weeks to clean and the authorities believe it is a prank pulled by their competitors at the glitter glue factory across the river. But," she smiled and Alec swear he saw fangs, "we know better, don't we, Alec?" She placed her hip against the marble desk. "I can assume Magnus was there, yes? Considering." She raised a delicate eyebrow. "I expect you both to go clean the mess up."

Alec's mouth was a straight line. "That's it?"

Maryse nodded. "That's it." She turned and resumed her place by the fire. "See you at dinner."

Alec was hesitant. "See you...?" He got up slowly, keeping his eyes on Maryse. She didn't move except to drink her wine. He rushed from the library and quickly closed the doors behind him. He sighed, leaning against the archway above the library doors.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Alec jumped at Jace's cool voice. "Whoa, man." Jace held his hands up in defense. "Was it that bad?"

Alec relaxed. "No, no. She's surprisingly calm. She's gonna make us clean it up."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Us? Did she scare you that bad? Holy shit, man. You're like that guy that eats raw fish that Clary was talkin' about, with the bracelet or whatever."

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, but," he tugged at his collar, "slip of the tongue." He immediately thought of Magnus, eyes closed, his mouth a large O, his face gleaming with glitter and sweat. Alec felt himself flush. " _Anyways_ , I'm going to go take a nap." He cursed himself silently. His story had been he had gone to fight a rogue warlock, but of course there was no warlock. Just he and Magnus. It wasn't the first time that something like that had happened, but Magnus had sworn he had it under control. _Obviously not,_ he thought.

"Have fun," Jace called after him.

Alec made his way up to his room, Church right on his heels. The large cat meowed after him as he stepped into his room.

"What do you want?" Alec asked the cat. In response, Church made his way past Alec's ankles and jumped on his bed. "Wha-? No, get off my bed." Church made himself comfortable on Alec's pillow. Alec, closing the door behind him, slipped out of his jacket and threw it on his desk. He grabbed a spare pillow from the ground and threw it at the foot of the bed and promptly scooted Church off of his. He pointed at the pillow by his feet. "There."

Laying back against the headboard, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. _6 new messages._ All from Magnus. He rolled over and balanced himself on his elbow.

4:15 _Be safe. If she offers you food, eat all of it. It'll prove you're not guilty._

4:15 _I learned that from Transformers._

4:17 _I just realized there's no good cop so there will probably be no food_

4:18 _Cry just cry_

4:22 _Nvm don't cry you're a Shadowhunter it'll probably just make her hate you_

4:30 _I just want you to know it was worth it_

His phone beeped. Another one from Magnus.

4:32 _for me_

Alec rolled his eyes. He thought for a moment how to respond.

4:33 _She knew it was you_

4:34 _shti_

4:34 _She's making us clean it up_

4:35 _That's it?_

4:35 _That's what I said and she was all yeah that's it but she was scary I almost peed_

4:36 _tmi babe_

4:36 _wow_

Alec tossed his phone beside him, snuggling into his pillow and closing his eyes. _Just a few minutes..._

3 hours later, he awoke to Izzy kicking his door and yelling at him to get his ass out of bed.  
Sweaty and sore, he rolled off of his bed, relying on his Shadowhunter mobility to land him catlike on his feet. He slipped on Church's pillow and landed on his face.

"I hope you rot in hell," he said, his voice muffled by the carpet. He looked up to see Church sitting right in front of him, licking his privates. He pushed himself off of the floor, nudging Church aside with his foot. The cat hissed and swiped at him, dashing under the bed.

There was another pound on his door. "Alec! Get outta bed, god damn!" His door swung open and Izzy stood there, in black yoga pants and a sports bra, her hair in a side braid. "Okay, whatever. Don't answer me." She turned on her heel and left. "Dinner's ready. Mom made Salmon and jasmine rice."

His stomach grumbled. "Thank you," he called after her. He heard a distant "whatever." He stood at his door, holding it open and patting his leg. "Church, you sack of-" The cat poked his head out from under the bed, and barreled for the door.

Closing the door behind him, he followed the smell of delicious food to the kitchen. Jace and Maryse sat at the table with their food, Izzy just piling her plate up high. Alec followed suit. He grabbed three slices of salmon, and the rest of the rice.

"Hey, what if I wanted more?" Isabelle was pointing at his plate, her eyebrows scrunched together.

He glanced at her plate. "Deal." And he brushed past her, to the table. He settled into his place at the table and his mother set her fork down, dabbing her mouth with a napkin.

"Did you talk to Magnus?" she asked, hands crossed on the table.

"Uh, yeah, he was cool with-"

"Magnus?" Izzy sat down next to him, looking from Alec to her mother.

"Oh, it's nothing," Alec said hastily.

Maryse raised an eyebrow. "Not nothing. He was with Alec when the glue factory was destroyed."

"I wouldn't say destroyed, Mom," Alec said, poking the salmon with his fork.

Isabelle and Jace turned their heads slowly, staring at each other, then at Alec.

"Not the factory, anyway," Iz said, hiding a smile with her hand. Jace stifled a laugh as he took a swig from his bottle of water.

"So," Jace started, "rogue warlock. What exactly made him _rogue_?" Alec stared at Jace and he could have sworn he was smiling.

 _Oh, God,_ he thought. "I... needed his help. Since he's a warlock. And there was a rogue warlock." He looked back down at his plate. "They're both warlocks."

"Warlocks, got it," Izzy said, shoveling rice and fish into her mouth. "Was it _hard_ to fight the warlock? With Magnus?"

" _Isabelle,_ " Maryse started and Izzy's eyes widened, "don't talk with food in your mouth."

Jace chuckled under his breath. "I bet it was, Iz. And it's tough to fight warlocks. They just keep going and going..."

"Oh my god," Alec said. He buried his head in his hands.

"Alec, sweetie, warlocks are tough to fight, Jace is right," his mom said, seemingly oblivious to what was actually being said. Although, Alec noticed, there was no sympathy or kindness in her voice.

"Well, regardless, I think it's sweet Magnus helped you out," Isabelle said. "Coming together like that..."

"Nope, that's my favorite," Jace said, pointing at her. "Hands down."

"Mine too," Maryse said, sipping her wine. They all looked at her. "I'm old but I'm not dead." She shrugged. Picking her plate up and taking it to the sink, she added, "Jace, it's your turn to do the dishes." She left the kitchen.

"What? Tsch, Alec's the one getting down and dirty," Jace muttered.

Alec threw his hands up, pushing his seat back. "I'm done." That's when his phone pinged.

He dug it out of his pocket and read the screen.

7:28 _I think we're at this point in our relationship_

Alec raised an eyebrow just as he got another message, this one with an attachment.

"Is that your _boyfriend_?" Izzy sang as she walked past him to get another piece of salmon.

"Shut up," Alec said, opening the attachment. When it finally loaded and took over the screen, he almost dropped his phone.

There, in a _Kiss the Warcock_ apron, just an apron, stood Magnus in all his glory. He was standing in front of the stove and seemed to be frying an egg. The message underneath read, _How do you like your eggs ;)_

"What is it?" Izzy asked, leaning in to take a peek.

Alec clutched the phone to his chest, aware that his face was bright red. "Nothing! Nothing, it's nothing." He put his phone back in his pocket, rushing back to the table and dropping down in his seat. He started to scooped rice into his mouth as Jace placed his elbow on the table and propped his head in his hand.

"This is cute," he said, pointing at Alec and crinkling his nose, "I like this."

Alec ignored him and dug into his salmon.

"Take it easy there, bro," Iz said, settling back into her seat. "Seriously. You're grossing me out. Chew your food, dear god."

Alec, swallowing the last bit of salmon, got up to dump his plate in the sink. "Okay, I'm going to bed. I'm going to forget all this," he twirled his hand, motioning at the two of them, "see you at practice, 8 AM. Good night."

"Sweet dreams," Jace called after him. Izzy giggled.

"Look, I'm just saying if I _were_ doing these things that you say I'm doing," Alec began, swinging a knife at Jace, who dodged it with ease. "It wouldn't be any of your business."

"Okay, I understand that," Jace replied, dodging another attack from the knife. "I can respect that. But what if I'm just chillin' in the library or Taki's or with Clary or something, and you... yunno, when you climbed the peak so to speak-"

"Hey that rhymed," Isabelle called from across the gymnasium, clipboard in her hands. She was knitpicking through the weapons supply, checking off on the list if she saw something she didn't like, like a chip in a blade or a crack in an broadaxe.

Jace smiled back at her, but Alec put his hand up. "Don't, don't you say it-"

"I'm a poet and I didn't know it," Jace said, maintaining eye contact with Alec.

Alec stood still for a moment, and then swung the knife at Jace, who maneuvered out of the way. "You were saying?"

"Oh, right. What if when you did the do, I felt it too? _What_ would happen to _me_? Would I get a boner, something worse?" Jace had his hands on his hips and his chin was jutting out.

"God, you look like my mom," Alec said, leaning away from him. "And I'm not gonna remain abstinent just because every time your dick gets hard you blow up or whatever. And man, I dunno. Call Garroway. He and Valentine were _parabatai_ and Valentine had kids, so we can only assume..."

"Right. We can only assume Valentine has done it with Jocelyn because they had children. Together." Jace had turned away from Alec, examining his nails with one hand and dialing on his phone with the other.

"Wait, you're actually-"

Jace held up a hand to silence Alec.

"Hey, yeah, it's me. Question." He paused. "Great. When Valentine had sex could you feel it?" Another pause, this one longer. "Alright, thanks. Tell Clary I'll see her tomorrow for training. Kay. Bye. Mhmm. Kay, bye." Jace hung up and tucked his phone into his back pocket. "He said that was the weirdest question he's ever been asked and no he couldn't feel it. He also said that this better be about you and Magnus. I said yes."

Alec blinked. "There's your answer."

Isabelle, clipboard under her arm, clapped. "Learn something new every day, boys. Now, I'm bored, let's train, yeah?" She dropped the clipboard and pulled a knife from the weapons rack.

"You really want some of this _heavenly fire_?" Jace asked, his face serious at first, and then he broke out laughing. "I-I'm sorry. I was gonna try that on Clary but, oh my god-" He doubled over, his body shaking.

Alec stared, his face set with unamusement.

Isabelle twirled the knife in her hand idly. "Don't you _ever_ do that again." She flung the knife, aiming for his right knee, and he twitched his leg to the side. The knife embedded itself in the wall. He stood up straight, pushing his hair back.

Alec, swinging the sword at his side, tapped the tip of it on the floor. He and Izzy exchanged looks, readied their weapons, and made for Jace. Just as the three of their blades collided, Alec's phone buzzed in his pocket.

He sidestepped and jumped back. "Whoops, hold on. Gotta get it."

Jace and Iz groaned. Jace threw his dagger on the ground, Izzy had hers at the ready. She stomped her foot. "You're gonna get it, alright..." She muttered, making her way back to the weapons rack and her clipboard.

Jace slumped back against the wall, arms folded over his chest. "Go _nuts_ , man."

Alec, phone in hand, turned his back to Jace and huddled over the screen. Another message from Magnus.

9: 58 _you didn't respond so i'm assuming you want more_

His phone buzzed again, tickling his palm.

10:00 _i'm probably assuming wrong_

Another buzz. Another message, and another attachment. Alec, holding his breath, opened the attachment.

When the image loaded, Alec's heart skipped a beat. But then he quirked an eyebrow.

In the picture, Magnus was stretched out on his couch, naked again. Alec's eyes hovered over Magnus's... privates, but he flicked his eyes over to the strange thing. In the crook of Magnus' arm sat Chairman Meow, feet straight up in the air. Under the picture, Magnus wrote, _chillin w/ chairman meow u jelly._ Alec, one eyebrow still raised, responded:

10:03 _your cat is dead_

10:03 _he's not dead_

10:04 _nudes with your cat though? are you in a dark place_

10:04 _the lighting in here is great_

Alec bit his lip. If he did what he was thinking of doing, there was no going back... _Fuck it._

10:05 _hey im training rn but later on i'll send you something too ok_

10:05 _i am SO down with that_

10:06 _no cat tho_

10:07 _down with that too_

Alec smiled, put his phone away, and turned around. "Alright," he said, clapping his hands together. "You guys ready?"

Simultaneously, Jace and Izzy sighed, "Finally."

Izzy pointed at Alec, eyes squinted. "No more booty calls, I wanna kick his ass." She jerked her thumb towards Jace.

Jace, smirking, scoffed at her. "I'd like to see you try."

Standing in front of his mirror, phone at the ready, Alec didn't realize how cold it was until his dick stood straight up.

 _Better than limp spaghetti,_ he thought. And then winced. Bad analogy.

"No time like the present," he muttered. Trying to hide the scarlet blooming on his cheeks, he turned his head to the side and snapped a picture "Nope." He tried a different pose; he put all his weight on one leg and placed his hand on his jutted hip. He took a picture. He stared at himself in the mirror, becoming frustrated and increasingly more embarrassed. "Fuck it." He headed for the bathroom to put his clothes on when he saw something streak out from under his bed and ran, claws out, over his foot. "Shit, Church-" He slipped on Church's pillow, the floor rising to meet his face. That's when the flash on his phone blinded him. He landed on the floor with a thud, and quickly sat up to look at his phone. On the screen was a picture of him. Falling. He looked like a dying horse. _Nope. Nope. Nope._ His finger over the delete button when Church, claws out again, ran over his lap. His naked lap. "MOTHER OF FUCK MY DICK." His phone binged. He looked down and his veins exploded with ice. _Image sent to contact MAGNUS BANE._

"Dude, you okay?" Isabelle asked as she bit into a PB&J. "You look... dead."

Jace hopped up onto the counter. "Yo." He waved his hand in Alec's face. "Our mayo..."

Alec, absentmindedly spreading mayoannaise on a slice of bread, was not aware that he was scraping it off of the bread and onto the floor. He dipped the knife into the jar and brought out more, spreading it on the bread. Wiping it on to the floor. "My life is over. Burn me alive. See you later. The Angel is waiting for me."

Iz and Jace exchanged looks. Iz, shrugging, took her and her sandwich elsewhere. "Good luck," she said, clapping Jace on the shoulder.

Jace sucked in a breath. "What's up, man?"

Alec made no notice of him. Or of his phone buzzing wildly on the countertop.

"Alright, this is driving me nuts," Jace murmered as he reached over for Alec's phone. He checked the screen. "It's from Magnus." Alec flinched. "This is what it says." He hovered it in front of Alec's face.

5:46 _ily but was this on purpose_

"Was what on purpose?" Jace asked, scrolling through the messages while simultaneously sipped from a glass of water. His thumb froze over the screen and water spewed from his mouth for what Alec thought was an unreasonable amount of time for the amount of water he drank. Jace wiped his mouth witht he back of his hand. "Oh. Oh my. Oh." His eyes glazed over and he set the phone down.

Maryse, hearing the clatter of metal from the kitchen, gripped her wine glass tightly. _Oh no, they didn't_ , she thought.

She set her drink down and made her way down the hall, her heels clicking deathly clear on the marble floors.

"I swear on the Angel, if you-" She froze. Jace and Alec, one sitting on the counter, one standing with a slice of bread in hand, were still as statues. Both wore glazed looks. "Is everything alright?"

Jace, looking up at her slowly, met her gaze. "I have seen another side of Alec and I regret it." He said the last three words slowly.

Maryse moved her eyes to Alec. "Alec? What is he talking about?"

Alec blinked, staring at the phone, facedown on the counter. "He read my journal about my flaming homosexual boyfriend."

Maryse stiffened. "I-I see. Well, I have to..." She backed out of the room. "Good day."

They listened to the sound of her receding footsteps. _Click, click, click..._

Jace hopped down off of the counter.

Alec looked up. "Jace..."

"Alec. In the wise words of mom: good day." Without looking at his face-and he was obviously trying very hard, Alec thought-Jace left the room.

His phone buzzed. Alec picked it up and looked at the screen.

6:00 _come to bed?_

Alec took a deep breath and pushed his door open. Magnus, in a reflective silver suit and leopard print shoes, was sprawled on his bed, glaring at Church. "So, about the picture-" Alec started.

Magnus smiled at him, and Alec froze. "It was endearing, sweet pea."

"I thought you didn't like that nickname."

"I don't." He climbed off the bed and made his way over to Alec, hooking his fingers into his belt loops. His slitted cat eyes bore in Alec's, and there was a faint smile on his lips. "Lemme see your phone."

Alec, held by Magnus' gaze, reached into his pocket. He placed his phone in Magnus' open palm.

He turned the screen on and started scrolling. Alec was watching his face intently. Nodding, he opened his mouth to speak. Then he froze. Alec felt himself blush. _Isn't once enough do you have to look at it again, dear god-_ Alec blinked. Magnus was... blushing.

The warlock smiled, but there was nothing teasing about it. It was... sweet. He turned the phone to Alec, his eyes shining. "This. This one's my favorite."

Alec stared at the screen. It was the picture he took, when he was trying to hide the fact that he was blushing. "But, it's-"

"Perfect," Magnus murmured, pulling Alec to him and kissing him.

Alec leaned into the kiss, his lips parting...

Magnus leaned back, breaking the kiss. "Not as perfect as mine. Chairman Meow gives it a certain... panache." He touched his forehead to Alec's.

Alec smiled, and looked into Magnus' eyes. "We're going to the glue factory tomorrow, eight AM."

Magnus pulled back, his eyebrows furrowed. "You tell me that now? What the-"

Alec put a finger to the warlock's lips. "And no more..." He wiggled his fingers in the direction of Magnus' pants. "Until I know you have _that_ under control."

Magnus was baffled. "Alec, that's not even-"

Alec put his hands on Magnus' shoulders, and pushed him in the direction of the door. He shoved Magnus forward and just as Magnus turned to say something, Alec closed the door. "This has been fun, see you in the morning." He waited a second, watching for the blue flash under the door announcing Magnus' departure. When the space under his door flashed, he relaxed.

He sighed, placing his forehead against the doorframe. He was about to strip down and take a shower when-

 _"ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD!"_ Isabelle was kicking the bottom of his door. Three more kicks, and it swung wide open. " _JACE SAID HE SAW YOUR DICK?!"_


End file.
